Sinking

Ever have that panic-stricken feeling that you’re sinking uncontrollably? Many times, at least for me, it’s self-induced, and this time is no different. At least this time, though, I can say it’s not completely my doing. That’s gotta count for something.

I thought about taking pictures of the house right now.  My beautiful house.  I love my house.  Love.  It.  Yet here I sit, in between a desk piled in paper and a mountain of laundry that needs to be folded.  Behind me is a kitchen filled with hundreds of boxes of Girl Scout cookies and dirty dishes.  Underneath?  A floor that needs to be swept.  Around?  Carpets that need to be vacuumed, things that need to be picked up off the floor, and things that need to be put in the attic.  {For the record, Vince and Babydoll have been doing a great job of helping out.}

How in the world did this happen?

Well, I have no time.  Well, I have time, but I’d rather use it to catch a wink or two of sleep or read a few things I’d like to read.  I’m doing something I want to do, which really feels selfish when I think about all that needs to be done.

I’m also working many hours of cookie booth sales, finishing up my last few classes in school, trying to teach Babydoll, making sure pets are clean, fed, and have clean little homes, going to puppy classes, contacting the various vendors who have sent the wrong dog house, or haven’t sent the harness I ordered over a month ago, completing form after form after form for cookie sales, and then there’s all the crap going through my head.

Today, as I got home from the last booth sale of the weekend and looked around the house, my heart sank, thinking about the fact that I just wouldn’t be able to work on the house.  At least not for a couple of days.  I’m gone half the day tomorrow having breakfast with Babydoll and going to the library while Winston is being groomed and then have a Girl Scout meeting and booth sale on Tuesday.

I am sad that my husband has to come home to a house like this and to the craziness that is my life right now.  I am sad that my disgust with cookie sales right now is something that I’m doing a terrible job of hiding from my daughter.

Three more weeks.  Then cookie sales are over.  No, that’s not a fix to the problem, but that’s a huge weight off my shoulders.  A few weeks after that, I graduate and am done with school.  A couple months after that we’re done with school for the year.  I am spending that time just hanging out, doing what I want to do.

I can’t wait.

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